entry 1: alienation off the horizon

Sep 18, 2024

Current mood: sleepy... but determined!

Hellooooo,

Last Saturday, I met up with a good friend. She & I talked about the Internet and she told me about how she thinks that, sooner or later, we'll be going back to smaller websites, forums, and whatnot. I mean, none of us are blind, the current era of the Internet is basically on fire. Social media has become a cesspool of sludge content, cold algorithms pushing hate onto your feed to illicit a response; because the response is all they care about. What was once meant to connect us is tearing us apart. And with the rise of AI bots and "art" populating these apps, it's only a matter of time until it all implodes. It will, I'm sure of it. Because, honestly, the only thing that still keeps us on these platforms are addiction and the few friends we've made there. Like, personally, I am so tired of the current Internet. Because on top of how bad it is, it's all wrapped in this weird layer of post-post-post-post irony, the ultimate expression of the deep alienation we all feel and have been feeling for the past 10 years. We have stopped evolving, culturally, because we can no longer *truly* express ourselves - we are forced to contend with the tools that corporate has given us for communication, and that feels awful. Imagine if you had to draw, say, a face, but you could only trace over the same pre-drawn smile, pre-drawn nose, etc. etc. Does that make sense? That's how it feels to me, at least.

Alienation. That's a word I've thought about a lot. Funnily enough, it's something that goes back to my childhood. Back when I used to browse and participate in online forums - in particular, one about The Legend of Zelda ^_^ A user there was named "Alien", an anagram of their real name which was "Aline". And kid me thought that was so cool, I don't know why! I mean, it is a very pretty name. I almost chose it for myself back in 2020, but ended up picking Alix! But part of the reason I almost picked Aline was kind of as a tool for self-expression, because I thought that the feeling of being *alien*, of *alienation* defined me pretty well. But I know that's far from being unique to me. If anything, that's *the* 21st century malaise, the feeling that seeps into us all. Corporations, social media, all designed to make us conform - and that's so cheesy but it's sadly true. I don't mean this in a weird conspiratory way, just that that's the nature of our current society in general. Either way, yeah. Alienation. We've all been feeling it a lot. Things are going to shit, etc. etc. There is, of course, something depressing about that, but I also think there's hope there. Genuine hope. I couldn't see it until my friend & I talked, but I think she's right. We *will* go back to a better world for online self-expression. The machine will lose. That isn't to say the world as a whole will be better or even good. But like, I'll take any small win. And honestly that'd still be a big win. An inversion of the current momentum. A shift in the culture. Like a REAL one. Something we haven't had in forever.

And as if the stars aligned, or perhaps it was the work of the algorithm (its inner workings are as unknowable as the effect of the stars on our lives, after all), I happened to find a video in my YouTube recommended just a couple days after I had this discussion with my friend. It talked about, well, this. Neocities, the yesterweb, etc. The counterculture. I was not surprised to find out it existed, like yeah, of course it does but... there's a community around it? People are talking about it? It's somewhat exciting? I assumed all that stuff was just... buried under forever, impossible to find save for very specific websites. But it isn't. It's here, it's breathing, it's alive. It's full of people, real people, humanity. People sharing their real, intimate thoughts. For the world to see. Because why not? That was the spirit of the old Internet. We didn't do it for the algorithms, for the followers, or for the money. We did it for the hell of it, for fun, to make connections. So yeah, to discover this place made me *ecstatic*. And I hope that's obvious, but this isn't even about nostalgia. Sure, a little bit, it's fun to reuse the aesthetic of the times. But it's more about reconnecting with what made the web human. It's such a breath of fresh air.

So here I am. Here I journal. For the first time in years... With a smile of my face :3 The future is full of uncertainties but I want to believe with all my heart that in the horizon is an Internet that's set free of the alienation, and I hope to catch you all on that web!! :3 Until then, I will grow my own little place here, where I'll showcase my writing, my art, my programming projects, and other cool stuff I want to show off. Can't wait ^_^

P.S. : Not all of my entries will be this long I promise :D